Groping for a Light Switch

Human nature drives man to seek something deeper, some meaning. For without it we have no purpose and no hope. With only this as evidence, how can there not be a Creator?  :Benchmark-Jnr

Some say that the greatest knowledge of all is “knowing one’s self”. “Who are you?” is alleged to be one of the key questions of life. But I doubt if the answer to that question can be entirely found in a single day or a year. The question of who we are is a long exhausting equation we must solve to find peace and fully function in this world.

I am a slow-learner and like to think things through - I doubt if I can put that on my CV, though. This is because I love to think of myself as witty, knowledgeable, driven, and sharp. Books, TV, and movies have taught me that witty, active, and knowledgeable people make it to the “top”. Laid-back people don’t. Meek people don’t. Slow learners don’t. Everyone acts the part of the smart, even if they aren’t. We pretend and weasel our way through life, being what we think we ought to be.

Everyone has an opinion of what Mr. A has to do to “make” it. And what Mr. B mustn’t do to “make” it. Because of our know-all nature, the demands we place on ourselves equals torture. The expectation to be the best makes us liars and taskmasters, not as much to other people as to ourselves.

I really do want to “make it”, whatever “it” is. I want to be successful, not exceedingly rich - I can’t handle much money as it drives me to sleeplessness. I want to be fulfilled. I want to find my path. I want to be the best Dad, husband, and man for my family. I want to be close to God. I want to be the best neighbour and friend. But I want to achieve this living within my own skin, using my methods, setting my rules, walking my path. This is going to be difficult, though. I presume it will be like groping for a light switch in a strange dark hall…a hall you just entered for the first time.